Mental illness at Christmas time

Christmas- the most wonderful time of the year. But that doesn’t mean that mental illness is just put on pause for the festive season. In fact, for many people with mental illness, Christmas can bring around extra pressures, making it a very hard time of the year. In this blog I hope to explain my own personal reasons for struggling at Christmas, why many people struggle during the holidays, and ways to support people who find the festive season hard.

Social pressures

Christmas is a great excuse for social events- people are home that aren’t usually, there’s extra activities like ice skating and obviously the pull of the pub on Christmas Eve. However, for someone with mental illness, this can put on a lot of extra pressure. For myself, doing too much can be very overwhelming. Going out can be stressful but at the same time, you don’t want to look like the grinch and say no to everything. This makes it super difficult- going out brings around so much stress, but staying in makes me really upset and like a pretty shitty friend. I also have a lot of friends at uni so there is the extra pressure that if I don’t see them over Christmas, chances are I won’t get to see them again until Easter (and in Easter they generally have a lot of work to do). Definitely causes a mental dilemma!!

I am also not the biggest fan ever of crowds. People with agoraphobia struggle with this a lot more in big crowds and the festive season is definitely bad for crowds. While I do not personally suffer from agoraphobia, crowds can make my anxiety worse. I don’t feel it so much mentally but the physical side definitely kicks in and trust me, standing in queues when you’re feeling lightheaded is not fun. The hustle and bustle of shopping in Christmas can definitely make anxiety rise.

Another well known activity, is work meals/ parties (as well as Christmas dinner). Although I do not have an eating disorder, I am very aware how hard this can be for people suffering. Eating in front of others can be extremely hard, and then there’s the extra stress of people who need to be a part of everything asking about eating habits. Whether it’s eating too much, too little, eating something unconventional or anything you really do not have to bring it up!! It doesn’t make a difference to you so why ask? A comment that may seem like a joke to one person, can be extremely upsetting for another and trigger many negative emotions and thoughts. The same goes for drinking! As someone who doesn’t drink, I know how irritating it is when people try and force alcohol on you. You don’t know why somebody doesn’t drink, you don’t know what they’ve been through, don’t try and make someone drink! I know some people don’t realise it but you can drink a Diet Coke and still have a good time.

Memories

One of the reasons Christmas is so hard for both me and my family, is that it reminds us of a lot of bad times from the past.

For my family particularly, it is a harsh reminder of the years we took for granted enjoying Christmas while my brother was still alive. Not having him here just will never feel right. Sometimes it can be so hard seeing people have huge family meals, when our family has been torn apart and it’s fair to say, there’s a lot of beef in my family. It’s definitely a bit strange just being the three of us (four including my dog 🐶) for Christmas, when other people have over 10 people round! It’s also a lot harder trying to stay positive when everyone around you is struggling.

For me personally, Christmas hasn’t always been the greatest time. From going abroad against my will to being very ill the past two christmases it’s not been the easiest. Two years ago this time I was at absolute rock bottom and a year ago I could barely leave the house! This year has been a lot better- I even made it ice skating which I’ve been wanting to do for a couple of years but have never been able to! But this will never stop the thought and fear associated with how bad Christmas has been. I will always have the fear of getting that low again and it makes me angry just to think of what I put the people around me through. The memory of this almost seems a lot more tender around Christmas and that’s been a really hard concept this year for myself.

Bad things still happen at Christmas. The addition of alcohol and poor decisions probably makes them a lot more common. Everyone that has lost someone close to them thinks about them more at Christmas, but it must be so much harder if the anniversary of the trauma happened in the festive season. If someone is struggling over Christmas, maybe consider what they are going through rather than labelling them as bah-humbug.

Money

Any adult will know that Christmas is expensive. Just the presents alone rack up a healthy bill and then there’s the addition of all social events, food and everything involved with Christmas! As somebody who is unemployed, this has been very hard this year. Take for example my parents. My parents have done so much for me and I would love to give them the world and more…. but I can afford about £15 each for them- not really the world, let alone more. They assure me that it’s fine and I’m sure it is, but there’s always going to be that guilt. I struggle with self confidence issues a lot and this just adds to me not feeling proud of myself. I feel so guilty that I can’t afford to give them more as they always are so generous towards me. I hope that one day I can afford to give them the Christmas (and new year) they’ve always wanted in Australia and New Zealand. Hopefully that will make up for some of the shit presents they’ve had to fake a smile for, from me over the years!!

And that’s just me- I have a comfortable house, no bills to pay and nobody to sustain. I can’t even begin to think how hard it must be for single parents, and the pressure they must feel to give their children the best Christmas possible. I think often we forget how far kindness goes, and how most of the time, just the fact we got a present alone is enough to feel that joy. But as a gift giver, this never seems to be recognised- it’s only when receiving gifts that you feel gratitude.

The weather

This one may sound a bit stupid (especially if you are lucky enough to be somewhere warm right now), but bad weather can seriously affect your mood. If you are struggling to go out, that gets so much worse when it’s raining and miserable. More people get ill in winter, and the short days just make you feel a lot more tired, and a lot of the time makes you want to curl up in a blanket with a Disney movie on and a mug of hot chocolate rather than go out. With my mental illness, a lot of the time the only thing that can keep me going is other people, and if everyone around me is miserable, it definitely makes it a lot harder. I also have a phobia of throwing up which is not great when every man and his dog are ill!! Some people suffer from a condition called SADS which in short is depression brought on by changing seasons (usually going into winter). The weather for people isn’t just a conversation starter, it can be a real struggle.

How to help someone suffering?

I think the main way to help somebody struggling is to be there for them without judgement. If they don’t feel well enough to come out don’t question it. But also don’t start to exclude them from social events (no matter how many times they say no). Mental illness is so isolating and being invited shows that you still have friends even if it doesn’t always seem that way. Don’t be angry when someone cancels last minute either- you can’t tell how bad your mental illness is going to be at a set time. Trust me, cancelling makes us feel a lot worse than it will make you feel!!

And like always, make sure you check in on your friends and see how they are doing. It is very easy to get caught up in festivities, but sometimes a short message goes a long way. It may only take a few seconds to type but could make a huge difference to somebody close to you this Christmas.

Another really important thing is just checking in on your mates in general, even if they don’t have diagnosed mental illness. If that mate that is usually at the pub is not at the table, make sure you ask twice if they are okay. Social isolation can be a major sign that something is going on with somebody, so make sure you check up on the people who mean a lot to you this festive season.

And most of all, I hope you all have an amazing Christmas. Remember you are an incredible, strong person and I am so proud of you for getting through this time of the year!!

Zoe x