I really don’t know why but this blog has taken a while for me to get to. I think because I am always trying to find ways to help other people when they are struggling, but rarely ever take time to think about what works for myself. It’s also because I don’t want to fully generalise my experience with the experiences of everybody else- none of us are the same and neither are our stories!!
Hopefully some of these tips will help if you are struggling in supporting someone with mental health problems or even just to let you know that you are not alone in what you are doing supporting someone.
1. Make sure you are supported
This may sound like an odd one but it is so important to make sure that you also look after yourself. Watching someone experiencing mental illness can be a really stressful time and one that you may have never had to go through before. It really can take it out of you.
There is a common phrase shared around the mental health community that “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. Now as cliche as this may be, it is also very true. Make sure that you take care of yourself as well as the person who is struggling. This can be as simple as taking time to do the activities you enjoy to help take your head away from what is going on with who you are helping, or it could be something more such as talking to somebody about what you are going through, and about your concerns.
I’ve seen how hard it can be for both friends and family when struggling with illness. This is why this point is number one on my list!! If you don’t help yourself, you will never be able to properly help other people and your mental health could also be really impacted.
2. Read up on diagnoses
If the person who is struggling has been diagnosed with specific mental health conditions, it can be really helpful to do some basic reading into the general things that people experience (e.g. physical symptoms). You do not in anyway need to get a doctorate in psychology! A basic understanding of what the person is going through can make it a lot easier to give appropriate advice.
For example, with my anxiety I get really lightheaded. My close friends and family are all aware of this so they know that if we are out and about, I may need to sit down for a minute or two just to stop that feeling a bit.
If the person is prone to having panic attacks, it can also be useful to learn some simple breathing techniques to help to deescalate the stress they are going through. In panic attacks, you can literally feel like you are dying- breathing to certain counts often isn’t top of your priority list so it can be really useful having someone there with you talking these through.
Mind, the mental health charity, has some really good information on a wide range of mental health conditions:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/a-z-mental-health/
3. Encourage the person to seek professional assistance
People with mental illness often struggle in seeking help due to a wide range of reasons. It can be useful to encourage them to speak to a doctor. This in no way means you should put any pressure on them though! This could be a simple chat saying that you’ve seen that they have been struggling a bit and asking if they would like to speak to somebody about it. Assure them that you will be there with them as often the fear of being alone for this sort of thing can definitely be a put-off.
If you can, taking somebody to their mental health appointments can be such a worthy resource to have. Often with therapy, after you feel pretty darn rubbish and one of the last things I would want to do after therapy is then to get on a crowded bus. I am fully aware that this is not an option for a lot of people but personally, it has been so amazing having my parents there to support me at meetings. My parents don’t come in to therapy with me, but having them in the waiting room is a huge help, knowing somebody is there if anything happens.
4. Have a crisis helpline number saved in your phone
This is in no way to say that you need to use this. When somebody is going through depression especially, you don’t want to do anything and that means anything. There are points where you just want to lay in bed and stare at the wall and never leave.
If you then become suicidal, this lack of motivation doesn’t just leave. The effort of researching a phone number and then phoning it can in itself feel like a great task. Having some numbers there ready to just press phone as and when you need them can help someone reach out and get the help they need.
- Samaritans: call 116 123
- Shout crisis textline: text shout to 85258
5. Don’t exclude them
When you have mental illness, quite often going out can be extremely hard. Little things can seem huge and often people who are struggling will turn down social events because it’s just too overwhelming.
However, it is so so important that you keep inviting the person out. Even if the answer is always a no, don’t stop asking. Mental illness is one of the most lonely experiences a person can go through, and not being invited out can bring about huge amounts of paranoia and upset for the person.
Your friend is still exactly the same person, they are just struggling at the moment. Don’t ever stop treating them as a friend.
6. Understand that you can not ‘cure’ their illness
I think it’s really important to understand that however frustrating this may be, you can not get ‘rid’ of the person’s illness for them. All you can do is be there to support them when they need you most.
You do not need to have all of the answers. Sometimes the best thing you can be is a listening ear. Let who you are helping talk to you without judgement. Often this talking can be a huge stage towards recovery for a person. It is the first step towards a new beginning.
You are doing so amazing and although it may not seem this way right now, your help is making a huge difference to someone when they need it most.
Make sure you comment below if you have any questions at all and thank you so much for reading!!
Zoe x
my life with mental illness 
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